Joy Gypsies Vlog 'n' Blog

Thriving and Loving Life with

Jackie and Xochitl

Adventures of a Mother-Daughter Duo

Out to Transform the World. 

Together.

"I'll NEVER Do That Again!"

How many times have you said this to yourself: "I'll never do that again!"

Did you follow that by giving yourself "a good talking to" and/or by depriving yourself of something you wanted as a "consequence" to make sure you never make that mistake again?

Have you heard anyone else say something like that to themselves? Or have you ever told someone else they'd better not make that mistake again? Or punished someone for their mistake? Maybe slammed a door or yelled at them or gave them the silent treatment perhaps? Fired them?

Did any of that really work? Or did that mistake or something similar happen again later, despite your (or their) best efforts?

Why is that? Is it just unwillingness to learn from the mistake, or rebelliousness? Or what?

What if the "common sense" approach to dealing with mistakes is all wrong?

Many people grow up believing things like:

  1. It's bad to make mistakes. (Go down a notch in self-esteem if you do.)
  2. Bad things happen when/if we make mistakes. (Watch...
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You Can Save Democracy

Today, January 6, 2021, a mob broke into the halls of Congress

and committed violent trespass while our elected representatives were processing the Electoral College votes.

Today’s events did not just happen in a vacuum.

For a mob to rise up, there must be provocation, regardless of whether it be real, perceived or imagined. There must be extreme grievance, usually for an extended period of time. There must be a perception that there is little alternative to be heard other than to rise up. Peaceful protests become mob riots only when the conditions are ripe.

We can debate who is to blame, who is responsible for what and who should be tried and punished. No doubt that will all happen soon enough.

It is time to face certain truths:

1. Democracy is a shared agreement, a context for our relationships with each other. We do not construct democracy alone. It is something we must do together, actively, not just once, but day after day after day.

2. Democracies survive when they...

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How Negative Emotions Can Help You

Frankly, this is a great time to examine our own fears and insecurities. Maybe that's not a topic you want to read about just now. But hang with me for a moment.

What if emotions like fear and anxiety have vital functions for our minds?

Karla McClaren, a researcher on emotions, has looked at the role that "negative" emotions play in our ability to think and make choices. She's concluded something that you may find very useful: emotion is part of our cognition, and each so-called "negative" emotion helps pose a valuable question for us. If we look at the answers to those questions, we gain power, choice and freedom.

  1. Anxiety asks: How do I need to prepare for this situation? Answering that question gives you the power to choose what you do and gives you back some control over the future. That's useful!
  2. Fear asks: What are the risks? What do I need to do to protect myself (or others)? The answers will give you more power, choice and a greater degree of freedom to respond.
  3. Anger asks:...
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Healing from Loss

By Jackie Ambrow, M.A., C.Ht.
 
A dear friend of mine lost his beloved after 37 years. As so often happens in the loss of a soulmate, his grief is still palpable and wells up, often at the most unexpected moments. This is what I wrote to him...
 
In the Beginning...
When our beloved physically leaves us in this life, our mind feels it has to hold onto the evidence of our beloved's existence. After all, much of our mind's identity is tied to who we are both with ...and because of... our beloved's presence in our lives.
 
Shared history is only one aspect of who we have become... because of our beloved. The physical pieces of evidence of our beloved may serve at first as painful reminders of our beloved's absence. Everywhere there are things, people, places to remind us of what we have lost....
 
When our grief is compounded by other hardships, we may feel the pain of absence and loss even more acutely...
 
The pain itself becomes a kind of evidence...
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