Joy Gypsies Vlog 'n' Blog

How many times have you said this to yourself: "I'll never do that again!"

Did you follow that by giving yourself "a good talking to" and/or by depriving yourself of something you wanted as a "consequence" to make sure you never make that mistake again?

Have you heard anyone else say something like that to themselves? Or have you ever told someone else they'd better not make that mistake again? Or punished someone for their mistake? Maybe slammed a door or yelled at them or gave them the silent treatment perhaps? Fired them?

Did any of that really work? Or did that mistake or something similar happen again later, despite your (or their) best efforts?

Why is that? Is it just unwillingness to learn from the mistake, or rebelliousness? Or what?

What if the "common sense" approach to dealing with mistakes is all wrong?

Many people grow up believing things like:

1. It's bad to make mistakes. (Go down a notch in self-esteem if you do.)
2. Bad things happen when/if we make mistakes. (Watch...

No doubt you’ve known at least one bully in your life.

Sometimes you can see them for what they are in the moment, and sometimes you don’t realize what they are until you’re licking your wounds. 

I’ve dealt with my share of bullies in my life, and here's what I've learned.

Whether you're the target of a bully or a bystander who wants to be an ally: 

1. Don't take anything personally that a bully says. A bully gets the pleasure of power over you by triggering you and making you feel bad about yourself. Remember that the bully's attitude, words and actions say far more about them than they do about you.

2. Be careful how you assign responsibility for what’s happening. A bully will blame you for their own aggression as if you “made” them behave/think/feel that way. Don’t fall for it. When they succeed in making you examine all the fuzz in your navel for what’s “wrong” with you, they’ve deflected all...